i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize