remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize