This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
