he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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