She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
