Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
