there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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