i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
