she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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