If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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