I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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