so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
