Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
