Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
