You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
