I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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