We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
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my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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