I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
