She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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