I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
