flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
