Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
