dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
