Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
