I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's official drugs can't kill me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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