you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
