chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
