You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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