Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
