I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize