Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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