stop calling my apartment porn island.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
