things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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