youre lurking in front of me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
