Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
