I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
