I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize