He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
