I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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