Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
