Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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