I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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