I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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