so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
