Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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