I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
