Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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