Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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