i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize