I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
