This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
