If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
