I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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