JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
PANTIES FOUND
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