I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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