Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
