you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
