Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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