I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
