Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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